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Finding your Inspiration

Finding Your Inspiration:

O.K., so you need a little help finding your inspiration, and you also need a little help finding motivation to kick start your bum into action. O.K. Where do you look? Who do you turn to? What do you do? Good questions! The answers start with you. Finding your inspiration can come from something major that happened or is happening in your life, or your inspiration can come from something so minute, so small, that you almost missed it. Almost.

For me, my first inspiration came to me after my first year of marriage. You know that settled in weight you put on, feeling safe and secure and wanted and fulfilled and happy. You don't need to watch your weight or continue exercising so much, because, hey, you already found your soul-mate, your love of your life right? You aren't looking for Mr. Right anymore, so why pay attention to your weight. You aren't looking to snatch up a husband anymore, you already found him! So the weight goes on and the exercise goes off.

Bam! 50 pounds later, and you aren't as active anymore. You don't feel as attractive anymore, no more couple photos for you to be taken! Had enough? I sure did. So into my life comes inspiration number One! The first year wedding anniversary, can't fit into my wedding dress anymore inspiration. My goal - to fit back into that dress if it kills me! Liquid diet here I come. O.K. It worked for awhile, the weight came back off, but I didn't learn anything, except for how to starve myself to maybe lose the weight,and maybe feel better about myself again for just a moment in my life.

So, onto inspiration and motivation number two! The birth of my first child, my daughter. She enters into the world, from a body that has re-gained the fifty pounds lost from inspiration number uno, and added another 40 pounds on top of that. Realizing and finding inspiration just to keep up with a baby now, my motivation is stronger than it ever was. Toddler years will be coming, and the chasing around, and carrying around not only my extra weight, but a toddlers side of the hip weight, just made me want to get back into shape even more.

O.K. So you lose a few pounds just from being active, and a few nights sleep, and some really bad timing interruptions of really spontaneous actions, need I say more? But the pounds went off, and then they went right back on again. I lost myself in my food. I was so needed by everyone else, that in the process, I forgot to need myself even more. Hence add another fifty pounds to the equation.

So onward and upward, the weight went on, until I found inspiration number three. Four years later with the birth of my second child, my bouncing 10 pounds plus baby boy! In my medical chart, it already told my caregivers, that I was an obese patient carrying child number two. Watch out for that gestational diabetes, watch out for those swollen ankles, for that painful back and knees. I was already sporting almost 100 pounds overweight then, add a few more pounds to the measure for the pregnancy, and boom Obese I became. I stayed that way too. My needs were even more demanding to my two children now, that their leftover food became my food on top of my food that I had already eaten. The only exercise I was giving myself, was the running around I got each day. Running after the kids, running after errands, running to a part-time job, running to sports events, running to play dates and birthday parties, and family functions. So onward and upward the weight went up a bit and then just kind of leveled off.

I think, at this point in my life, I figured what is the point? I will just maintain the weight I have, and manage just fine. I am getting around o.k., I am actively involved in my family's life, my husband loves me just as I am. I might as well just accept that I will always be this heavy and move on. Right? Wrong! Time for inspiration and motivation number four to creep it's head into my life once again! Diet number 15 roared it's ugly head into my life, and the inspiration and motivation went right through the roof!

Lord have mercy, I have been cured! My weight was going off, I was starting to feel better. I was sticking to a plan even if it killed me! My kids were trying new meals, and I was even trying to get everyone else on track. No more eating my kids leftovers, no more sweets for me! My motivation was at a whole new level! Then, Bam! It hit me! I can't stay on this diet forever, who am I kidding? It is not realistic for me, I am tired of measuring and counting and shopping and cooking and doing exercises that I really don't enjoy. So boom, the weight goes off and the weight goes back on. Is anyone getting dizzy, because this roller-coaster ride I am taking has got to end soon. I have got to hit the bottom, before I ride back up this hill! And did I finally hit bottom you ask? Yes, I did. Here comes my inspiration and motivation number five!

They say that even three times is a charm, but number five is a doozie! I didn't see this one coming! The death of my mother. Diagnosed with stage 4 Gio-Blastoma brain cancer , and being treated for really bad diabetes with insulin shots for a few years before that, she died 8 months after her diagnosis on New Year's Eve. I didn't think I could get any better inspiration than that to make myself become a healthier person, so I could be alive to see my own children grow up, and to not suffer as my mother did in her last months of life. Or so I thought... The depression settled in, the not caring about myself settled in. I had my family that was enough to get me through day to day. Focusing on their needs, I didn't have to think about anything else. I didn't have to think about myself or my needs, because I lived for theirs. And that was all I needed for a very long time. The weight stayed the same, a few pounds down, a few pounds up. Everyone was happy. I was happy. But the depression stayed, it was hidden to the outside world. My family meant everything to me. And it was enough.

Until, you guessed it - Inspiration and motivation number six, came stumbling in. Quite unexpectedly I will say. So surprising, that it caught me completely off-guard to say the least. I was totally blind-sided by this one, that I didn't even realize I was becoming so inspired and motivated, until I was already following its lead!

The call to me, was so slight, so silent, that if I didn't listen just right, just a little, I may have missed it altogether! The signs were there all around me before, but I just kept ignoring them! I missed all the signs to inspire and motivate me even way back from number one. I woke up in the midst of a dream, after seeing the signs, and hearing the words that "You Do Matter"! I decided that day, almost 22 years later that I was going to truly find my inspiration and motivation to keep me on my health happiness journey.

It was life-changing, not even in a big way, but in the simple, small ways I was living my life. I literally really looked at my children and my husband and thought - how blessed am I? I have everything I need right in front of me for my true inspiration and motivation. I am living with my true soul-mate, I am watching my children grow up right before my eyes. I have experienced the loss of my mother, and hearing her say to me - please, please take care of yourself, be healthy, be active - you want to be alive for your family. I had to forgive myself. I forgave myself. I had finally found the only one true inspiration and motivation I had ever needed. It was here all along, it was inside of me, it was my best friend.

It was ME...

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